How I’m learning to stop living on high alert (and what you can try today)
A few months ago, I started somatic therapy because I was tired of feeling like my nervous system had a mind of its own.
You know that feeling when something small happens (a tone in someone’s voice, an email, a last-minute change, a mess you didn’t ask for)… and your body reacts like it’s a five-alarm fire?
That was me. A lot.
What’s wild is that I could logically know everything was fine, but my body didn’t get the memo. My heart would race. My chest would tighten. My brain would spin. I’d go into “flight” mode (fix it now, do more, move faster) or “freeze” mode (numb, stuck, scrolling, blank). And then I’d wonder why I felt exhausted and edgy, even on “normal” days.
After a few months of somatic work, I’m noticing real shifts:
- I’m less triggered by things that now feel… actually small.
- My flight and freeze reactions still happen sometimes, but they’re shorter.
- I’m sleeping better.
- I feel more able to cope with the inevitable stuff that pops up throughout the day.
Not because life suddenly got easier. Because my body is learning that it’s safer now than it used to believe.
If you’re curious about somatic therapy, here’s the most grounded, human explanation I can offer based on what I have learned (plus a little help from some research I did using ChatGPT). No fluff. No pressure. A starting point for anyone interested.
What is somatic therapy?
Somatic therapy (sometimes called somatic psychotherapy or body-centered therapy) is an approach that includes the body as part of the healing process. It’s based on a simple idea: our experiences don’t just live in our thoughts. They live in our nervous system, our breath, our posture, our muscles, and all of our messy patterns.
A lot of therapies focus on talking and thinking, which can be (and have been for me) incredibly helpful. Somatic therapy adds another layer: what you feel in your body, moment to moment. The “felt sense.” The signals that show up before you even have a full sentence about what’s happening.
Somatic approaches often work with things like:
- noticing sensations (tightness, heat, buzzing, heaviness, numbness)
- tracking your breath and heart rate
- gently shifting attention between comfort and discomfort
- completing protective responses your body wanted to do (like pulling away, pushing, running, shaking) but couldn’t at the time.
One important note (because words get confusing): “somatic” can mean “of the body,” and there’s also something called the “somatic nervous system” (the part involved in movement and sensing). That’s a different term than somatic therapy, which is the therapeutic approach.
When should you consider somatic therapy?
I’m not a clinician, but I can share what pushed me toward it and what many health sources describe: somatic therapy is often explored by people dealing with chronic stress patterns, trauma, anxiety, feeling disconnected from their body, or getting easily activated by everyday life. 🙋
You might consider it if you notice things like:
- You overreact (or shut down) and don’t fully understand why
- You feel “on edge” even when life is calm
- You have a hard time relaxing, even on days off
- You’re stuck in people-pleasing, overworking, or perfection loops
- You feel numb, disconnected, or like you’re watching your life from the outside
- Your body carries stress as headaches, jaw clenching, stomach issues, tension, or chronic tightness
- You’ve been through something big (or a lot of smaller things over time) and your body still acts like it’s not over
Also, you don’t have to identify as someone with “trauma” to benefit. Many people have stress reactions after difficult experiences, and for some, those reactions stick around longer than they’d like. <Ahem…me>
Can you do the practices yourself, or do you need a therapist?
Both can be true.
You can absolutely start with simple practices on your own
Things like grounding, orienting, breath awareness, gentle movement, and muscle release can be helpful daily tools.
But a therapist is especially helpful when:
- you have trauma history, panic, dissociation, or intense symptoms
- you get overwhelmed quickly when you tune into your body
- you’re working with memories that feel sticky, confusing, or scary
- you want support staying inside your “window of tolerance” (meaning: enough activation to work with it, not so much you flood).
A skilled somatic therapist helps you go slowly, stay resourced, and build capacity without ripping the lid off your nervous system.
If you’re unsure, you can start with self-practices and also explore finding a trauma-informed therapist. Both paths can work together. I just went straight to the source to get help because I knew this was a missing piece for me.
What are simple things you can do every day to start releasing stored tension?
These are beginner-friendly and realistic. Pick one. Try it for a week. Keep it small enough that you’ll actually do it.
1) Orienting (my favorite “I’m safe right now” reset)
This is a somatic practice that uses your senses to tell your nervous system, “We are here, in the present, and we are safe.” It’s surprisingly powerful!
How I do it:
- Feel my feet on the ground.
- Notice my breath without changing it.
- Slowly look all around me (up, down, side to side).
- Then check in with my body: what do I need?
It sounds simple because it is. The magic is in the slowness and repetition. I do it as many times as I can remember now, but I started with little alarms on my phone, six times a day, to get me going.
2) The 5–4–3–2–1 grounding technique
This is a classic when you feel anxious, spinny, or disconnected. You name:
- 5 things you can see
- 4 things you can touch
- 3 things you can hear
- 2 things you can smell
- 1 thing you can taste
- It brings your brain back to the present moment instead of the “what if” reel.
3) Progressive muscle relaxation (tension and release)
Gently tense a muscle group for a few seconds, then release. Repeat through your body (feet, calves, thighs, hands, arms, shoulders, jaw). It’s a physical way to teach your system the difference between “on” and “off.” (And a lot of us have forgotten what “off” feels like.) I do this one lying down, before I go to bed.
4) “Shake it out” (yes, really)
Some people naturally tremble or shake after stress. In somatic circles, gentle shaking can be used intentionally to discharge activation. Keep it light and optional. If it feels too much, skip it. Your body is the boss. (I read that a lot of Olympic athletes, runners in particular, shake their hands before they start a race for this reason. I can’t unsee it now!)
5) Micro-movement breaks
A slow shoulder roll. A neck stretch. Pressing your hands into the wall. A short walk. Somatic movement is less about the workout and more about noticing what your body is asking for. (It took me a while to really be able to tune into what my body was asking for, so don’t fret if you don’t hear anything at first.)
6) The “name it to tame it” body check
Once a day, ask:
- Where do I feel tension right now?
- What shape is it (tight, heavy, fluttery, numb)?
- If it had a message, what would it say? (I also often struggle to hear a message but I still ask the question).
- No fixing required. Just noticing. That alone can soften a lot.
What are signs your body is releasing trauma or stored stress?
First, there’s no single checklist. And “release” doesn’t always look dramatic. Sometimes it looks like “I didn’t spiral for two hours today.” That counts!
That said, I have noticed some physical and emotional shifts as these stress patterns have started loosening. Here are some things you might notice (I have experienced most of these!):
- spontaneous sighs, deeper breaths, or yawning
- warmth, tingling, or waves of energy moving through the body
- trembling or shaking (strong or mild symptoms)
- stomach gurgles or changes in digestion
- emotional releases (tears, anger, laughter) that feel relieving rather than overwhelming
- feeling tired after a session (your body did work)
- improved sleep or fewer racing thoughts at bedtime
- feeling more present, more grounded, more “in your body”
Also, if your symptoms spike, you feel destabilized, or you’re reliving trauma intensely, that’s a sign to slow down and get support. Many trauma reactions include physical symptoms like trembling, muscle tension, and sleep disruption. Ask for help!
What I wish someone told me before I started
1) Your body is not being “dramatic.” It’s being protective.
Flight, fight, freeze, and fawn are all protective strategies. Your nervous system learned them for a reason.
2) Slow is fast.
Somatic work often happens in small doses. That is intentional. That’s how it becomes tolerable and sustainable. Otherwise, your body may not be able to handle it.
3) Progress can look/feel boring.
For me, progress has looked like this: I got triggered, I noticed it faster, I recovered sooner, and I didn’t make it mean something about me and what’s wrong with me.
That’s huge.
4) You don’t have to “relive everything” to heal.
I have been taught that somatic approaches don’t require rehashing every detail. It’s less about talk therapy and more about your body processing through sensation, safety cues, and new completion experiences. This is amazing for me, as I’m pretty over rehashing details of why I need my nervous system to heal.
Simple resources to get started
Here are a few beginner-friendly places I found online to learn the basics and find support:
- Harvard Health overview of what somatic therapy is and why it’s used (Harvard Health)
- Somatic Experiencing International (SE 101 + directory info) (Somatic Experiencing® International)
- Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Institute explanation of body-centered trauma healing (Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Institute)
- Cleveland Clinic grounding techniques (simple tools you can practice right away) (Cleveland Clinic)
- VA PTSD resources on common reactions after trauma and when to seek help (PTSD VA)
If you’re looking for a therapist, directories like Psychology Today can help you filter for “somatic,” “trauma-informed,” or specific modalities. (Psychology Today)
What this has to do with Bette
Bette is about the vacation mindset in real life. And for me, a regulated nervous system is part of that.
Not because life becomes perfect. But because you stop living like you’re bracing for impact all day long.
Somatic work has helped me feel more present in my body, more patient with myself, and more capable of meeting the day without snapping, spiraling, or shutting down as often.
And honestly? That changes everything. The way I parent. The way I work. The way I go about my day. The way I speak to myself. The way I recover after a hard moment. In general, just the way I show up.
A gentle starting invitation
If you’re curious, try this one thing today:
- Put your feet on the ground.
- Let your eyes slowly scan the room.
- Take one normal breath.
- Ask your body: “What do you need right now?”
Then actually listen. Even if the answer is “water” or “a break” or “stop pushing so hard.”
That’s where change starts.
